Boundaries: A Solution to Heartburn?

It’s been a while since I’ve felt better.

I had an empty evening last week and noticed Do not speak evil (oncart hereon), a horror/suspense film about a family that goes to visit a family they met on vacation.

And surprisinglythings are not going as expected.

If you have seen on“Dinner Party” episode of Officeon where Jim and Pam go to Michael and Jan’s house for a house party that turns out to be very boring, and I thought to myself…

“What if this was a two-hour horror movie instead?”

…that is his plot Do not speak evil.

This movie is based on the 2022 European movie of the same name, so naturally I had to watch it again. And boy, that version was very disturbing and very strange.

This video is full of cutting edge commentary on relationships, masculinity, and parenting…

But here’s why Speak No Evil made me uncomfortable:

This film asks, “How can we explain that we are willing to cross our borders to maintain peace and stop hurting others?”

I’m always joking onhow to please conflict avoiderson I am, which means that this movie shook my heart:

Which brings me to the point of today’s newspaper!

Guilt and Overcommitment

My father grew up in an Episcopalian family, while my mother grew up in a Catholic family. Mom always joked that the Episcopalian faith was “like Catholicism, but without the guilt!”

So we went to the Episcopalian church as children.

And despite this, I managed all Catholic errors!

I bend over backwards to keep the peace. I will do my best not to disappoint you. I’ll give up, I’ll put myself in frustrating situations, because I don’t know how to set good boundaries.

In short, I would not have done well Do not speak evil.

At first I thought that this was only good, but I realized that it was different.

I was humiliating myself and my life!

Over the years, I have learned to set and establish good boundaries. Not just to protect myself from others, but to protect myself…from myself.

I’m sure there are a few people reading this who are also people pleasers, struggling with burnout, and feeling overwhelmed right now.

If that’s you, I have a hard truth for you.

The Burnout Solution Is Not A Yoga Retreat

When we feel tired, overwhelmed, and overwhelmed, we think the answer lies in a real way to take care of ourselves:

• Escape: We just need a massage or a “digital detox” or retreat.
• Benefit: We just need to work Persevere in the gym!
• Optimization: We wish we had a better schedule!

The problem is that all these methods help the symptom, not the cause.

As described in Anne-Helen Peterson’s onI can’t evenon:

“You don’t plan to be tired when you go on vacation. You don’t plan “life hacks,” like zero inboxes, or use a five-minute meditation program in the morning, or plan the whole family for God, or start a bullet journal. You don’t fix it by reading a book on how to “unfu*k yourself.”

You don’t fix it with a vacation, or an adult coloring book, or “stress cooking,” or the Pomodoro Technique, or overnight oats.

How I share in my story onproblems with Self-Careonthe answer is not found in a yoga studio or on a deserted beach, nor is it found in a magazine or meditation program.

The answer requires us to have an uncomfortable conversation with ourselves.

We must put on our oxygen mask first before we can help others.

Border Protects Overheating

We people pleasers spend most of our time keeping the peace and taking care of everyone else’s needs, not our own.

This is how we find ourselves over-committed, unable to do the things we want/should do, and hate that our generosity is taken for granted.

The problem?

It is not someone else’s responsibility to set our boundaries.

It is up to us to establish it, explain it, and protect it.

This is where the limits come into play.

Boundaries are healthy because they allow us to think ours also important. Something I haven’t thought about in a long time. I’m sure there are a lot of amazing moms and dads on this mailing list who haven’t thought about their needs. long time.

This doesn’t mean that we should suddenly become “I AM THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS,” but instead, it means that we should face the fact that our feelings and needs are valid, and we should take care of ourselves and go on to take care of others.

As Dr. Lakshmin says in onReal Self-Careon:

“In order to take care of yourself, you have to be willing to put yourself at risk – whether that means having an uncomfortable conversation to set boundaries or making a clear and deliberate decision to prioritize one aspect of your life over another.”

Here is your challenge for the day:

Say NO to the one thing you say YES to in guilt.

Set these limits for your own health and well-being.

Yes, this will require you to trust those around you, and maybe even *GASP* offend someone!

Especially if they are used to saying yes all the time.

I promise you, what they are doing is not your responsibility to correct them.

One last reminder I had to put in: “No” is a complete sentence.

We cannot travel through time, which means that the only way to get rid of boredom is to put less things on the plate.

This requires us to set boundaries to protect ourselves… from ourselves.

I’d love to hear what limits you set, so hit the comments and let me know!

-Steve

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A note Boundaries: A Solution to Heartburn? appeared for the first time Nerd Fitness.

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